Expat spouses and social issues

Case Study: The Expat Dilemma - Boris Groysberg, Nitin Nohria, and Kerry Herman - Harvard Business Review

I really enjoyed reading this case study. Not only did it show the difficulties one might have in retaining international staff, it might just give you, the would-be expat, some idea of just how emotionally difficult the expat life can be, particularly for expat spouses.

Don't underestimate the dangers of loneliness
Photo by Kazi Hirok Al-Arafat

I should write more about the latter. I've spoken to so many people who want to move abroad, were it not for their spouse. And for those who do so anyway, it can be very difficult. Many people forget that the spouse is often not legally able to work, or if he or she is, they often can't find work. Who wants to hire a foreigner who doesn't speak the language or might leave in a couple of months? Even if they don't want to work, they certainly want to have friends and a social life. They'll start with neither and their spouse is often working long hours, compounding the problem.

My wife and I have solved the latter problem by the simple expediency of yelling across our garden to neighboring balconies, inviting confused strangers to dinner. It's an unconventional strategy, but it's been successful. We've had fine dinners with new people and are slowly rebuilding a social network.

Becoming expats is a great start on a divorce if you're not careful. The homesickness which often grips the expat can be doubly difficult for them as they may not even have the distraction of work to help them adjust. You need to work hard to overcome this and if you don't take it seriously, you'll regret it. So try inviting your neighbor for dinner. Heck, how many of you know your neighbors even in your home country?